Tonight, while waiting for William to get home, I've had a little bit of a breakthrough. Although I try not to show it, like every other person in the planet, I have my own insecurities. I have personal insecurities about my body, my personality, you know normal things. And while having some time alone today, I was worrying about something... well, honest, stupid.
Then I had a little bit of a breakthrough.
I don't need to be perfect.
I don't need to be blonde or tan or have a body any different than I have.
I don't have to know how to curl my hair (I really don't).
Or wear make up everyday.
I don't have to use good language (because believe me I don't)
Or pretend to be someone I'm not.
There is a man in Las Vegas, currently getting groceries with his dad, that loves me.
He thinks I'm beautiful and worth while.
He tells me everyday.
I have a tiny, German best friend who freaked out when I came back to school Thursday.
She wishes I didn't have such a foul mouth but she loves me.
There are many other people in my life that I didn't even realize truly care about me.
Fellow classmates that really did miss me while I was gone for a week.
People I never would have expected to text me and ask when I would be back.
I have two wonderful families that truly want me to be happy.
They both might not like the tattoos I'll end up with
Or the piercings
But they truly want me to be happy.
All these wonderful people outweigh the occasional jerks.
They outweigh the insecurities and bad moods
The wonderful people in my life just want me to be myself, nothing more and nothing less.
So here's the bare truth.
I'm 18 years old
5'4.5" and 150 pounds
I swear too much
And sleep too little
I'm ghostly pale
And battle with OCD and panic disorders
And if I'm going to be deeply honest,
I wouldn't change a thing.
Love and Turtledoves,