Life Opens Doors

wehearit, as always.

Sometimes you need terrible things to happen to realize what you have. As much as I am hurt, deep down, still over the break up, I am thankful. I now am closer to knowing what I really want and need in a partner. I now can know to put my foot down and get what I want out of a relationship.

More importantly I've learned that I have an amazing family and set of friends. I am upset with myself that I needed to be hurt so badly in order to realize I have amazing friends that care so much about me. I am thankful for a friendship Donny had brought to me, Will's friendship. The end of the relationship has created a better friendship with Will and I wouldn't change that. I am grateful to have such a wonderful friend and I wish I could have realized that sooner.

With that door of my life shut and a new one opening, I am getting to know my friends. I want to feel their love and I want them to feel the love I have for them. I want to laugh and go on more "roadtrips" late at night. I am going to show more love and learn to be unashamed of it. I am happy with the life I have been given.

I love my friends, my family, and my readers with all my heart, I hope everyone knows that.

Love and Turtledoves,
Jacqueline

I love you all.

Although things have been rough for me lately, I'm happy for the life I have. I am very fortunate to be going to a wonderful school. I am very thankful for people who care about me, I really am. I have a wonderful family that means everything to me. They've supported me through everything and I truly appreciate that everyday. I love my entire family, no matter how split up, crazy, and weird we are. I adore my family.

I'm also very appreciative of the great friends I've made over the years. You've all been crazy supportive and helped me through all the nights I feel so alone. The last two days have been the best I've had in months. Tuesday I went on a mini roadtrip with Tim, Julia, and Mattias... I seriously had not laughed so much in so long. I love them. And last night I had an amazing conversation with Will, probably the best conversation I've had with a friend in years. You all are freaking amazing. I wish I had more pictures from this year and past years so I could share, but to be honest I don't. I have so many great friends and zero pictures of us. I'm going to have to change that.

I also want everyone who reads my blog to know that I appreciate and love every one of you. I enjoy sharing my life with you all, and love to hear about your lives as well. I love every one of you.

I hope your Thanksgiving is amazing and full of love.
Love and Turtledoves,
Jacqueline

My next goal.

*weheartit* I seriously adore that.

The first thing on my list of things to do is to regain my confidence. I relied too heavily on his opinion of me, and when things started to go down hill and he noticed me less, my confidence went way down. However, his loss of interest in our relationship is not a reflection on my appearance or personality. I am still me.

I don't need a boy to think I'm beautiful in order to be beautiful. He is not what made me pretty, he was just someone who told it to me often. I shouldn't need to be told in order to feel it. I am an intelligent, pretty women with or without a boy to tell me that I am. I need to learn that just because he told me I was pretty when he still loved me didn't make me pretty. His praise didn't make me anything, I made me who I am. I am trying to learn that I am still me.

This is something I wish other girls new. I know a lot of girls who think they are as pretty as what a boy thinks of them. A real man will think you're pretty constantly, no matter what, but it is not what makes someone attractive. Attitude, confidence, uniqueness, intelligence, ect ect is what makes you pretty.

I feel like my personality and my intelligence is what makes me attractive. Not what my ex-boyfriend thought or thinks of me. I am still who I am.
You are all beautiful.
Love,
Jaco

Via the droid

I am really excited to proclaim my admiration of my new droid. It blows my last phone out of the water (the envy 2) that's for darn sure. I hope everyone has a wonderful day, I'm just happy this new toy helps with the quiet monets...

Love,

Jaco

I wish for many things...

Right now I hope for many things... I hope to someday look at the good times and appreciate them. I hope he will grow into a man. I hope I never understand how he could do what he did. I hope he makes good decisions. I hope I will learn to trust again soon. Most of all I hope he will keep things we said in confidence to himself. I hope he lets those private moments die with our relationship. I hope he has enough respect for me to do me that favor because I know I will let them die.

However, I know I can't make most of those things happen. I know I can only work on myself and fix myself. I need to regain my confidence and my spirit, both are broken right now. I will be alright soon and I know I am going to die without him. My family and girl friends are being very supportive and they're letting me learn on them.

But I know someday soon I'll learn to stand on my own again.
Jaco.

Things to do:
1. Allow myself to feel this way
2. Build myself back up once it's through
3. Learn to be without him

This weekend has been an emotional rollercoaster. I'm not going to share details but I am no longer in a relationship with Donny. And I'd like to say I'm happy about it, but I'm not yet. I'm vulnerable and hurt and I'm not ashamed of it. He was important to me, but things happen and oh did they happen. I'm just going to be honest and say that my world has been turned upside down for now. I can't promise my blog will be anything right now. I can't promise it'll always be happy or sad, only that it'll be real. I'm going to tell the truth and say what I want to say. I promise not to complain... well at least not too much.

I hope you all understand.
Jaco.

What's in a name?

I've been thinking a lot about the weight of names. I've wondered how much weight they really do carry. We don't choose our names, well most of us, but we do choose how we use them. When I meet people I feel I am equal with, I introduce myself as Jaco. I usually use Jaco for other people my age, friends I am introduced to, of course this blog and my company. However, I introduce myself as Jacqueline when I meet superiors, elders, and well, to be honest, people who I think would understand Jacqueline better than Jaco. (Sometimes people think Jaco is my given name and sometimes I get tired of explaining.)

Sometimes I wonder if it really matters that much. I like Jacqueline better, but I've been called Jaco for years and years. I feel like it is my fun side, my goofy personality and that Jacqueline is my older side, my put together side. The more I think about it the more I think it's just a name, that I am who I am no matter what I call myself. I am still myself, nothing less and nothing more.

Do you feel like names have weight? or are they simply a title?
Love and Turtledoves,
Jaco

What do you dream of?

Cutest wehearit picture ever.

I have dreams of owning a vintage boutique. I would sell clothes, home decor, handmade lovelies, and maybe even a candy counter. My Lovebots would have their own little area, they're own little factory. I want a sweet little shop that gives others as much joy as it would give me. We'd have really distinct sizing areas, something I think most people have with vintage clothes. Our shoes would be well shined and well organized, I swear it'd be the most organized vintage store you ever have seen.

And I'd have a studio above the store, a little nook to create and sew and be in my own world. I'd finally own a record player and blast the Sound of Music while I sew my fingers off. I want the studio so I can come down to my little store and do my thing. I want to be involved and be my store, give it life.

Everyday I daydream about my little store... What I'd name it, where I'd have it, the types of policies I'd have, every little thing. The more I think about the little store I'll have someday the more I want it. I want to show my heart in a creative and beautiful way. I want to bring vintage and handmade happiness to everyone.... This is my dream.

What do you dream of?
Love and Turtledoves,
Jaco

Lovely Little List

1. I get my hair cut tomorrow, long bob hear I come.
2. Cheer is going swimmingly. I'm a base. Can I say that throwing girls in the air is freaking scary.
3. I'm really proud of Donny. He's doing so well in his play and has a possible paid internship.
4. Halloween has filled my life with candy. Home. Yearbook. Delightful
5. The more I play my clarinet, the more I love its sound.
6. Forceful cuddles from Muffin
7. Finally wearing my vintage dress and rocking it
8. Sharpened sewing shears
9. Custom orders ♥
10. The possibility of getting tags made

Just a little something inspired by the darling Laura Shane ♥
Love and Turtledoves,
Jacqueline

A rootin' tootin' Halloween!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween! My family's party went absolutely perfectly, honest to goodness. It was one of our biggest parties, close to 80 people, and I think it really helped keep it going for so long (till 2 am!). Another great part of it was the fact that not only was it a Wild Wild West party, it was also a surprise party for my (wonderful) Aunt Christine.

We had her close friends come, which they normally wouldn't, and wouldn't let her come early to help. I think she felt left out more than suspicious! You should have seen her face when we started singing to her, it was really priceless. It's really amazing to see how happy you can make a person.

As promised, here are some of our costumes!

My outfit:
Dress-Salvation Army, shortened and given a new neckline
Fake Uggs-Costco
Sweater tights- target?
Trims-store in LA
Hair extensions: Sally Beauty Supply (like 3 dollars!)
Belt- Nordstroms

Donny's oufit:
Shirt-Thrifted
Abs/pecks-Joanne's fabric paint
Cords-Kohls
Chucks-Converse

My fabulous Dad and Kathy.

I love my goofy brothers! Cam was woody and Chris was riding a horse.... with backwards feet.

Now for the piece de resistance. Anne and Ryan, our close family friends, prepared a skit along with Ryan's costume. He showed up, with two others of course, as the Three Amigos, complete with the following skit!

amazing video by Erok!

The best part was the fact that three other friends came as the Three Amigos! And they all are friends they just never talked about their costumes I guess. :)

How was your Halloween? I'd to see pictures! Link me to some pleeeease.

Love and Turtledoves,

Jaco